i don’t know why this keeps happening, but i thought about T last night. all of the friends i had met through T were at my house last night, laughing, drinking, having a good time.
one of his friends came up to me and asked for a corkscrew. i grabbed one from the kitchen drawer and as i handed it to him, i realised T and i had bought the corkscrew together—a year and a half ago—to open a bottle of wine on my birthday.
i shook the thought from my mind, like a dirty paintbrush in some water.
i walked over to the living room and perched on an armchair, and i glanced over at the big sofa across from me. two of T’s friends were chattering on the sofa, and left a seat on the sofa next to them.
my mind played tricks and i could’ve sworn T was sitting right there, with his floppy blonde hair, deep rumbling voice, and his cigarettes poking out from his shirt pocket.
i blinked, and realised he wasn’t there. he hadn’t been there the entire party. he’d passed away in july and i still couldn’t wrap my head around the idea.
last night was weird.