on sleepovers, girls and boys

i had sex with a girl last night.

i’ve spent years thinking about what this would be like, whether it would be any different or similar to sleeping with boys and whether i would suddenly see women in a different light.

i’ve identified as bisexual for a couple years now, and it was kind of a strange monumental event when i finally slept with a girl. i’d been told for years that i wasn’t a real bisexual because i hadn’t slept with a girl before. of course i knew that was wrong because a person’s sexuality isn’t a checklist of people you’ve slept with. but a little voice inside my head always felt like i was partially lying when i told people i’m bisexual.

en bref, it was just as i expected. incredible, soft, yet kind of anticlimactic all at once. i’d slept with people before, and i realised that this experience was no different because she’s just that — a person.

we arranged to meet for drinks after a stolen kiss in my bedroom.

what started as just beers, turned into an entire night of events. we went dancing, got smashed and kissed in public.

i felt so carefree with this girl and not self conscious or judged at all. we went back to my place, where we sat on the floor, crosslegged and leaning toward one another.

what i least expected though, was how openly candid she was about her feelings.

the kind of emotional connection that i’d been seeking with so many other boys in the past finally materialised in the form of this gorgeous girl in front of me. i’d never been told so bluntly that someone was this interested in me, and it was intoxicating. after a half hour of an honest heart to heart, thats when i decided to take her to bed with me.

as she put it, sex with a woman isn’t the same as sex with a man. it’s more intimate.

and when i woke up the next morning i felt the same way. the morning after wasn’t the same as all the other morning afters i’ve had.

somehow this felt more relaxed and calmer.

i didnt wake up sore, insecure or maybe even violated like i have in the past. this morning i woke up calm and secretly giddy because i turned to my right and there she was. this gorgeous girl in my bed. i saw her bangs fall lightly against her face, her eyelashes against her cheeks, and her lips parted just slightly.

i guess you could say i see women differently now, but in the sense that i no longer categorize people i’m sexually compatible and incompatible with. they’re all just people to me now.

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